For decades, there has been a conversation on whether men should educate the women they intend to marry or their wives and empower them to be better financially, socially and career-wise.
One day, I was talking to a bishop friend of mine. He was a bishop in Nyahururu. We sat at a hotel. He asked me, “Robert, is that a wife that you have taken to the university so that she can earn a degree and be ahead of you in education?” I told him, “Bishop, if she gets a degree, we will have an extra degree in the house. It means more general income for the family, and we will be better off if she has a degree. Later, I will get my degree. That is how we grow.”
The bishop told me, “Robert, there is something that you don’t know. For most wives, if you take them to school and they get more educated than you, they take advantage of you taking them back to school and getting a good job. They always get someone more educated than you and who speaks English that you can’t understand, join hands, and leave you at home.”
I told the bishop, “Other people may have done that, but my wife, that I know, isn’t like that. Bishop, let’s not talk about my story because you are making me angry. My wife is different. I have taken her to the university to study. I know she will come back home. We will continue with life, and everything will be better.”
There is a Kikuyu proverb that says a young man on top of a tree cannot see what an old man sitting on a jung’wa (a Kikuyu traditional seat) sees. Everything that the old man said happened. It was like God was showing him.
This is a personal experience and perspective of Robert Miriri, a Kenyan-born preacher and author living in the US. has warned men against educating their wives if they aren’t advancing their education and career.
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According to Miriri, who parted ways with his ex-wife, explained that his perspective comes from a personal experience of a broken marriage.
“If you take your wife to school so that she can educate herself and be better than you and overtake you, you are a fool. I was also a fool, but I knew better after the experience. She will have money and will be wondering, if it is money, I earn double of his salary, so what is he telling me? She will look down upon you. Some will say; do you think I can be a cobbler’s wife? She will say that because her standards have gone up,” Miriri indicated.
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The preacher said that his experience is real and that those who ignore his piece of advice will only meet the same fate.
“Don’t do what I did because I don’t want you to go through that experience. It gets to a point where your wife has an affair and doesn’t even care whether the person she is with is married because they are both educated, then the wife comes with a pregnancy, saying it is yours, and you are saying this doesn’t look like mine,” Miriri argued.
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The preacher advised men to educate themselves before educating their wives, and allow wives to educate themselves before they come together or get educated by their parents. He said that there will be a common understanding if a man meets and marries a woman who is more educated than him.
“The worst case is where a wife works far away from home, where she has to drive for some hours to her workplace or flies. She will tell you she will be coming over the weekend. Don’t accept that. Let your wife stay at home.”
“For you as a man, you can work away from home because I know men can do that and still be loyal to their families. If she travels and says she will be coming home over the weekend, she will go the way mine did. After some time, you will realise that she has been away from home for six months because she found someone near her workplace,” Miriri expressed.
Robert Miriri also discouraged men from bringing up children by themselves because their wives are busy at work. He insisted that wives must bring up children by themselves, even as they pursue their career goals.
“My main focus is people who go to church because we believe in God and believe that people act in good faith. Don’t forget that human beings and human beings. What happened to me can be done by someone else. She will do that and still come back to claim your assets,” Miriri indicated.
After the painful heartbreak, Miriri moved to the US and got married to the love of his life, Debby. He stated that men have a personal choice of taking their wives to school, but should advance their education even as they help their wives to get educational qualifications. According to him, this approach will maintain their value, respect and authority.
“This is a women’s issue. A man can get even a PhD and still come back home to his wife. I have given the advice, take it or leave it,” the preacher concluded.
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Miriri’s viral message sparked mixed reactions, with some of his followers sharply differing with him.
Monica Nyacira: “I hear and understand your sentiments. However, I have also seen cases of women who educated their spouses, and they were later abandoned by the educated woman. I wouldn’t say it’s a woman’s problem, but an individual character and integrity issue. Whether a man or woman, if your values are twisted at some point, it will be revealed, especially when you attain something you have always craved for. It can be education, a position, money or success as people define it.”
Emmy Rita: “I disagree with this information. Build your person, and you will never regret it. As you are building her, don’t forget to build yourself as well. You should be supporting each other.”
Sarah Rukunga: “I don’t think it’s about educating the woman. If someone goes, it means he or she has been planning it, and cheating didn’t start because you empowered her. It has been there. All that happens is that after the empowerment and getting money, they can finance their behaviour. You can empower someone, and they become the greatest blessing you have.”
Muriuki John: “Sadly, that’s what many men are going through. I thank God I took mine to the university at the same time as yours, and she has maintained her integrity to date. I advocate for empowering your spouse as you empower yourself. Men, ensure your wife is very open about her income. If her account is personal, that’s a red flag.”
Gitagia G Karolyne: “Such an archaic way of thinking. Passy, your case was an isolated one, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you took her to school. You are still hurting. Please heal, sir.”
Samuel Njagi: “Taking your wife to school is not the issue. The real question is, are you growing too? Are you becoming better? Let your spouse see a better version of you every day, better than the one they originally committed to. Pursue your dream and support them in pursuing theirs, but don’t lose your value while trying to elevate someone else’s.”
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Monicah Wairimu: “I don’t think it’s about taking someone to school, I believe this is all about character. Some women are housewives, but they also cheat on their spouses when they go to work. Character and integrity are very important. Marriage is for life. If you are not ready to sacrifice on behalf of your partner, remain single instead of punishing them. Cheating has never paid. Instead, it brings a lot of regrets and mistrust. Love your partner and do to them what you would like them to do to you.”
MP Chege: “My workmate experienced exactly what you have described. We used to warn him, but he couldn’t heed our advice. Immediately after the lady graduated, she conceived with another man and moved out of wedlock. The man had to look for another wife. What you are saying is very real in our society.”
Best Dayes: “I went through the same challenge because I empowered my ex-wife by giving her a business, only for her to cheat excessively and walk out to a richer married man’s sponsorship.”
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