Sometimes in life, one needs to stop being nice; being nice can be a convenient way to continue living a “good person” life to the public but constantly feeling drained. When one starts healing, she realizes that she wasn’t being nice.
Doing things not to disappoint people and, in the process, one tends to neglect their needs. At this point, one needs to set boundaries, say “no,” and start putting their needs first.
Dr Nicole LePere, a Psychologist, has highlighted the lessons she learned after she stopped being nice and started being kind to people. She adds that despite knowing her studies, she is still healing and feels guilty at times, but one thing she no longer has is resentment within her relationships. “And that has changed my life. Be kind, not nice.”
- It’s okay to disappoint people: We naturally disappoint people, and people will disappoint us. This is part of life.
- Boundaries create generosity: When we have clear limits and prioritize our own needs, we can meet the needs of others. The more fulfilled our needs are, the more we can fulfil the needs of others.
- I don’t need to over-explain: I remember the first time I declined to do something without a long-winded excuse. It felt so vulnerable and off to me. Why? I believed there had to be a reason for me not to do something. This is how codependency shows up.
- Healthy people respect your limits: Healthy people understand boundaries and don’t pressure, feel guilt, or shame you for not doing something.
- Doing things because you want to feel good: Doing something from a pure space is beautiful. It’s ok to feel good.
- Our society glorifies self-sacrifice and self-betrayal: How often do we hear “she put everyone else before herself” as if this is a noble act. We don’t see how this can lead to depression and addiction.
